Recently Becca F. and I have been posting about Legos, and those posts have been making me feel quite warm and fuzzy with nostalgia. After the nostalgia ended, I feel a sick feeling coming on but I wasn't sure what was causing it. H1N1? One could only hope, after Legos, and toys in general, had reminded me of the impending holiday season.
Maybe I've been lucky that I haven't heard any Christmas jingles yet, or I haven't seen that Steve Buscemi ginger bread commercial for the 15 millionth time, but I saw my first wreath outside of a grocery store and that's as good a sign to panic about the incoming holidays.
Every day leading up to the omegaholiday feels like another Christmas in small increments that gradually increase the shopping and traveling anxieties. You count down the days (37 now) and you start brainstorming how you will get to see everybody that you need to yell a jolly "Merry Christmas" at, and how you will give gifts to those who you feel deserve one. While I have no definitive answer, damnit Jim, I'm a blogger not a Santa, I have a few screwball suggestions that might help you, even though I'll probably dismiss them later when I'm pulling my hair out while doing my best Cathy impersonation. Wow, I hate that comic.
So here are some suggestions:
1) Start making enemies- I think a lot of people have the problem that they want to be liked by everybody. If you made rude comments once in a while, and not to everybody, you would drastically cut down on how many people you needed to celebrate with.
It's easy to insult people, too! I think the best way to cut your friends list in half is to take a stance on gay marriage. That'll nip at least half of your buddies in the bud.
2) Re-gift: This might fall into the making enemies category as well, but I believe it deserves its own category because sometimes people re-gift obliviously and don't actually intend on hurting anybody's feelings.
I think of myself as an innovator. What you need to do is collect every gift that you have gotten from one person and make something out of all the items and give it back to the person as a Super Re-gift. You'll look really generous when you give them a decent sized package, up until they open it and realize it's the steamy Walmart romance novels with every sexual innuendo underlined using the pens they also bought you. I've gotten some shitty presents (and I have half the mind to actually follow through with the novel idea...)
So take the Super Re-gift into consideration this year. All you have to do is be imaginative!
Okay, so many I'm not that creative. But if they didn't have to think about their gifting decisions, neither do I!
3) Donations- Tell everybody that instead of buying gifts, you are going to donate the money that you would use to buy their gift to go to the charity of their choice. Write this message down in a Christmas card that you made on MS paint and printed off the computer.
This idea would work if you knew some affectionate, caring people. Chances are you know people that act like affectionate, caring people that are going to "donate" your gift next year, too.
Damn, I think it might just be my holiday spirit but I think this is one of my bitchiest posts to date! It might be the fact that I've been working on the blog for the last nine hours, reformatting it entirely. I need to get off of blogger before I choke it out. Goodnight everybody!
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