I took a day off to gorge myself in food. I think we can all agree on the place where I'm going when the party that's called my life has ended. There will be a bonus punishment of being maimed by each turkey I have devoured. I will meet them with open arms.
There is one turkey this year that will not be sacrificed to my ravenous hunger; Courage, the bird chosen to be pardoned by President Obama. He thinks he got it off easy, but being a foodie with an insatiable appetite for the bizarre, I would give anything to have a pardoned turkey for a snack.
According to the ABC article, Obama feels the same way,
"The president, joined by daughters Sasha and Malia at his side, told a crowd of invited guests at the White House this morning that some presidents actually ate their turkeys.
"You can't fault them for that. It's a good lookin' bird," Obama said."He's got a point! He probably also understands that eating a bird that you previously lied to, telling it that it'll live the rest of its life in Disneyland, is also one of the biggest eating taboos,(starting now. I made the taboo up, but doesn't it sound like the cruelest and coolest thing ever? Let it go on the record that this taboo is now a real and serious issue.) but the bird's anguish will only make it more delicious.
Now I'm not saying I have it in for Courage, I'd eat any of the pardoned turkeys. I wonder if Clinton's turkeys are still kicking it. They're probably good for the libido.
Speaking of presidents, these bastards ruined my elaborate plot to crash a white house state dinner! I can't go into the details but it would put George Clooney to shame. Seriously though, I should be able to report one of these shindigs. I got a blog, I got a phone that can tweet, and I don't have political bias! Just a party bias (I eat for free and drink for free, and I get to crash in the oval office. These conditions are not negotiable.)
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